Weekend Update

Holy Crap. I have had one of the shittiest weeks I have had in a long long long time.| I'm not even sure where to begin. Chronologically I suppose. Also, I think I should put a trigger warning on this post. Less ED triggers,and more trigger re: depression and suicidality Since I gave you a...

Throwback Thursday; that one time I went to a crisis centre and left more distressed

Oh my goodness. I am angry. I understand when the average person is ignorant about eating disorders. I can understand that even my close friends and family sometimes say unhelpful things or triggering things without realizing it. That stuff makes me angry too, sure. But I had an experience on Friday that was so triggering and...

Dealing with Edema

I have been in recovery for my eating disorder, officially for 2 years but on and off for at least a decade, and consistently one of the most triggering and bothersome parts of recovery for me is edema. Edema is the medical term for "swelling of the body", in other words Edema is hell for...

Fuck #metoo

I am so fucking triggered by the #metoo campaign. I mean don't get me wrong - if people feel like posting #metoo because it is helpful for them and their recovery/story then by all means, post away and I'm proud of you. I'm not upset at anyone who has posted anything - but here is...

Eating Disorder to the Power of Depression.

I wish I could tell you that it's been a while since I've blogged because I've been on some amazing adventure or been too present with my social connections or some other positive, uplifting reason. But the honest reason is simply I've been too depressed to blog. Not motivated. Hopeless. Nothing good to say. Depression...

What Would (my therapist) Say?

I am struggling. Big time I am suicidal. I am self-harming (something I haven't done in over 10 years) I am slowly? (quickly?) relapsing into my eating disorder. I'm going from recovery focused to ambivalent. I bought a fucking scale today and have already weighed myself more in the past 5 hours than I have...

Beaches. and Treatment Round Two?

I went to the beach today. I wish I could tell you I had a great time. Sitting in the sun, not caring about who was around, what I was wearing and who saw my body... I didn't have a great time. I was self conscious the whole time and wanted to leave before I...

Rant

Oh my goodness. I am angry. I understand when the average person is ignorant about eating disorders. I can understand that even my close friends and family sometimes say unhelpful things or triggering things without realizing it. That stuff makes me angry too, sure. But I had an experience on Friday that was so triggering...

Unlikely Hope in Likely Hopelessness

Something surreal just happened to me and I'm still in a bit of wonder. And I'm blogging about it as a very personal journal entry. Yes I know it's public - but this is also an anonymous blog so I'm approaching this story as more of a journal entry. Today was a pretty bad day....