STOP COMMENTING ON MY BODY, even if it is just about my hair

Recently I have had two very important people in my life tell me my hair looks great. That's nice. That's kind. And it's a little fucked up, let me explain why. First of all - I haven't really done anything new to my hair. Secondly, I have lost some weight. Nothing too noticeable (yet) and...

The gap in the mental health system

I'm in a frustrating place with my mental health symptoms. I am too unstable for community based programs that offer support Monday-Friday between 9 and 5, and I'm too stable for crisis intervention support offered 24 hours a day. My mental health struggle is complex (isn't everyone's?) but right now I am struggling with my...

Egosyntonic….egodystonic…what?!!!??!

In psychotherapy many behaivours (I prefer to call them symptoms- and will do so from here on out) of mental illnesses are classified as egosyntonic and egodystonic. First of all, what does THAT mean? Well egoSYNTONIC describes symptoms that align with a persons values, self image, or in some way or another benefits or is...

So here’s why I have relapsed…

I said in my last post I knew exactly why I went back to my eating disorder after my time in treatment and after learning new ways to cope. It was body image. It was weight gain. It was how triggering summer clothing is for me... no. i mean that is all part of it...

My eating disorder has helped me survive: While it has tried to kill me

Over my time in treatment I have learned that my eating disorder has helped me cope with trauma and other difficult life experiences. If you've ever struggled with an eating disorder you will know that it is all consuming. Preoccupation with weight, shape, food, exercise etc takes over your brain. Making it really difficult to...

Damn it

I'm back. Yes, back to blogging. But fuck, also back in my eating disorder. Buuuut....i'm not actually upset. I'm in that honeymoon period of it where I'm glad to be back. Where the thrill of weight loss excites me. The sneaky-ness is fun. Everything feels controlled. I know it's not. I know where this leads...

Seasonal clothing…my nemesis

I think I have a hundred posts on this topic. Well not really because I think I only have about that many posts on this blog anyway. But, for the sake of dramatic effect, for the HUNDREDTH time, I hate spring time and the clothes that go with it. I live in the Northern Hemisphere,...

Podcast

I made a podcast about unspecified eating disorders for a school assignment. The sound quality isn't great, and the style is a bit choppy, and the more I listen to it the more critical I become...but overall I'm happy enough with it to share with y'all. 🙂 Oh, and there is a 15 second delay...

Yes I still exist

Hi, Guess where I have been for the past, what has it been, 8 months or so? LIVING LIFE! I graduated my second stay in residential back in the summer (Northern hemisphere) and honestly have been living my best life since then. I am so happy and so fulfilled. Don't get me wrong, there has...

Menu Monday

I'm in residential treatment for my eating disorder. Below is a recent meal, with pictures, that we had and I thought I'd share it with you. I hope to do more posts like this. The food here is actually quite good despite all the fear and anxiety attached to that. I hope to do more...